I’ve been trying to save cash lately, due in no small part to the fact that I’m always broke, and the constant budgeting has led to a nullification of my eating in restaurants. Without the casual $5.00 cuisine that’s usually tear-assing it’s way around my bowels somewhat like the scrubbing bubbles of the apocalypse, I’ve been forced to eat the food that lives at my house. I’m pretty new to that idea: food at my house. In general I went to the grocery store once every four months, ate at resaurants or fast food (I’ve had the same weight since high school, hate me) and if I got short on money I would survive on a ready supply of peanut butter or ramen or both mixed together. Now that I have a job that provides me with enough income to grocery shop and a dog that eats as much as 2 full grown narwhals or one Orson Welles, I go every other week or so. I’ve found out some things about myself thanks to the grocery store and I’d like to share them with you.
Firstly, I hate grocery stores. I like buying food and all of that, but what I hate is all the stress-ridden moms and bulimic sorority girls and irate black women who don’t move their carts for anyone to get by and pretty much everyone else there. It’s like everyone has a grudge against me in the grocery store, some unspoken vendetta that I don’t remember inciting. Did I kill a clown that was very important to all of them? Is it the fact that I’m happy to be buying food? Whatever it is I’m sorry.
Secondly, I love cheese, cheese of all shapes and sizes and molds. I have been buying a new fancy cheese every time I go to the store and I haven’t been let down yet. This time I bought some Edam and I want to just shove the whole block into my mouth and sit there for 9 or so hours until the last morsel melts down my throat. Last time was Havarti and Dubliner because I wanted a hard and a soft cheese for different occasions. There have been so many cheeses in my life recently and, at the risk of sounding like the biggest nerd on the planet, I’m loving every minute of them.
Third, I like chicken sandwiches. This is something I just recently realized when, on a whim, I bought some sliced chicken breast from the Kroger deli. It’s worked out pretty well so far. I tried to combine the chicken with the Edam but that didn’t work out so well because Edam isn’t a soft, sandwich kind of cheese. But then I had a brilliant idea: Chicken Cordon Bleu. I still to this minute cannot believe how awesome an idea that was. I put mayonnaise on one piece of whole wheat, then chicken, then the old standard Swiss cheese, then toast it all. When it’s nice and warm and melty and brown I take it out and put ranch dressing on the empty piece of bread et voila, delicious sandwich. I’ve had two in the last 24 hours.
If I keep eating like this I may end up spending more on food than before. Luckily my revulsion towards grocery shoppers keeps my mind focused on making the food last as long as possible. Now if I can just convince the dog.
