Secret Still

The Weather Channel site was apparently correct when they told me today’s low would be 46. You got one, Weather Channel, don’t get cocky.

The Girl and I are going to visit my parents for the weekend, and I am surprisingly thankful for it. The longer I stay here the more I just want to be away. Apparently that want is bad to enough to make a town that has more strip clubs than bookstores seem appealing. It’s more just the travelling that calms me down. I just like the going part. I wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me. Probably that I need to get pregnant or something. Fat chance, Brain, my penis is staying.

Did I mention already that there is a queef debate going on in my house? There is. I cited Raymi’s article. Yes, even in a debate about queefs I cite references. I am just that badass.

Feel free to weigh in on any queef matters you want to discuss in the comments; be it the word and its taboo or the act itself and all related hilarities. Your suggestions help us make better products for you, the consumer.

If you like photos of abandoned buildings then get your fix here. Creeptastic.

Stairs! Indeed.

Tastemakers Society has an interview with the founder of Beautiful Decay Magazine, and you can read it here.

In case some of you live on Mars, and I wouldn’t put it past you sneaky Martian bastards to read this crap, there is a new DJ Shadow album out called “The Otusider” and I don’t know what to make of it yet. Granted I haven’t heard all of it, but the few songs that I have listened to confuse the hell out of me. Go buy it and see for yourself. But before you do that you should enter this contest. Plus you can listen to the single, which is good, which is good.

Gina & Matt fucking rock it.

Ian Reid is making a video. It’s called Ian Reid’s Video and of course it has a myspace.

It hurts me to say this and it even frightens me a little, but maybe they’re right, maybe the French really are better than us. Take this for example. And the fact that they have so many wonderful cheeses. Yes, my loyalty can be won with fancy cheeses. Is that so wrong?

Ok, you’ve all got weekends to get on with. I’ll be cruising down one of my hometown’s two main roads, maybe hanging out in the mall parking lot. Oh yeah, this is gonna be sweet.

I don’t have anything to update about, mostly because I have been spending a dangerous amount of time here. God have mercy on me.

I didn’t post yesterday and I don’t apologize for it. I’m not going to be one of those bloggers. Hell, I’m not going to be one of those people in general. I only apologize for mistakes that I’ve made, and there are enough to keep me humble, and otherwise don’t throw the phrase around too loosely. I’m not sorry if that confuses or offends you. Since my 15 readers do come back though, I’ve rewarded you with a lot of things today.

In case you didn’t know, the skate world keeps me up to date on most of the things going on that interest me in art and design and whatever else. And my hot source for most of it (aside from Crailtap) is The Art Dump. I just enjoy everything about the whole Girl/Chocolate family. I actually daydream about working for them. Daydreaming about work, that’s where I am in life.

Now to spice things up a bit, really get your blood pumping. I have for you a succesion of videos to watch. Watch them in the order they are presented or it fucks up the momentum.

This one first
Then this one
Part Two of that
And Part Three
Finally, this one to seal the deal.
I actually slapped my desk and yelled “You Goddamn right!”

I’m not sure how any of these photos are taken, but I am sure that they’re amazing.

Soyfriends. Some things made of soy are entirely wuss-tastic.

LRG is gonna drop their fall line soon. Featuring a full zip hoodie. If you don’t know what that means you should click the link. Like gimps but for pimps.

French Fred gives the good stuff.

Philips has made clothing to let others know you have the good stuff to give.

Dave Chami is doing it.

And finally, a little treat for everyone out there who loves to love, I give you this heartwarming video. That midget’s smile will haunt my dreams.

I made vegetable stir-fry in thai peanut sauce last night. I’m on some sort of thai kick. That’s what happens when I buy ginger root. Anyway, that shit was tasty. And provoked our quote of the day:

All they do in Thailand is eat rice and fight oxen - Jason

Well said, sir.

I like when I cook because my hands smell like garlic for days afterward. You have no idea how hard it is to not eat my fingers when they smell like this. Last night’s dish was Shrimp with Thai Green Curry Sauce over Rice Noodles. It was unbelievably good, and it made my stomach feel pleasant for several hours. The Girl made fruit salad to accompany. Also Delicious.

I’m CAPS happy today.

I’m gonna throw all the links at you at once because this isn’t my real job. I should be doing my real job. Better yet, I should be sitting outside in a field somewhere eating foie gras and delicious smoked cheeses on a soft blanket under a big oak tree. My dog would probably be there. He likes to be outside.

Link Dump:

This is a really good gallery of photos for the Streetspace project in Colombus, OH.

Said and Done

Oddica Magazine

Blood is the New Black. So many T-shirts.

Non-Format designs

Blaine Fontana @ Lineage Gallery.

Doze Green @ Jonathan Levine Gallery.

I am wearing some jeans that I got for 3 bucks at Goodwill. They are the tightest jeans I have worn in about 17 years. Maybe ever. My package is on display for the critique of all. I don’t know whether to be aroused or ashamed. I find that most of my life is like that.

I give you one thing today. I give you Lago.

And happy Autumn.

There’s nothing like strep to make you neglect your blog. That should be an adage in Bartlett’s. You should tell them so.

I’m healthy, or healthier than I was anyway, and now you can all enjoy whatever I tell you to enjoy again. The only problem with having 15 readers, aside from terrible self-esteem, is that I don’t really have a second chance to let you down. There is not such a high demand that I can burn you and expect you to still check back occasionally like a stray who used to find a bowl of food on this particular porch. 15 readers means the kind of audience interest that a wolf pack would have. So you found food here once, so what? By the time you would be checking back a second time you are already on another mountain. Sometimes my allegory gets lost even on me. But I think you see what I mean. And I think you see the low self-esteem.

Let’s talk about the weather.

There’s a wallpaper company called Rollout that makes wallpaper designed by artists. It’s not your typical fleur-de-lis and paisley crap. If you think you are forward thinking enough to want to notice your walls everyday then this is the wallpaper for you. Your furniture has been warned.

I’ll let Honey Eat Your Salad speak for itself. If you can’t hear what it’s saying then you probably found this page because some remark I made about tits or anal fisting came up in your google search. Here, we can fuck you over some more: gash, vagina, cunt, dick, cock, purple-headed warrior, dendrophilia, salt-flavored man jelly, tits, sweatermeat, boobs, throw pillows. I admit that the last one might be an entirely different crowd and a whole new offense.

VinylPulse has some great photos of the Banksy show up here. My favorite things were the elephant in the room and the painting with the kid and the news crew. If that’s not art then you aren’t either.

There are plenty of people who are better at this than me. I’m the endearing underdog though, and I’m scrappy.

David Choe is an interesting cat to say the least. Boonika tells us why.

What happened to the transitions between seasons? A week ago it was Summer and not it’s almost Winter. Or maybe I’ve forgotten my meds for a long time.

It’s never easy telling your dear friend that you can’t take their Israeli off their hands for a few hours a day.

I’m thinking of adopting Bill Murray as my Grandfather. Can I do that?

Doesn’t matter, doing it anyway.

Throw your money back into the river of commerce at Four The Hard Way.

If Josh Spear says these are the body products you need then dammit they are.

Speaking of The Man, there is an interview with him over here.

NEW CANDY*!

It’s about fucking time. I’m getting these as soon as I can figure out how to cut off my own arms.

The art of David Choong.

That’ll do, Apple. That’ll do.

The comic dork in me really wants to see this.

I was done here before I started. I’m going home.

I finally installed Service Pack 2 on my computer because I got tired of seeing the “Updates are ready for your computer” bubble pop-up every thirty seconds. Now nothing on my computer works. I hate you, Microsoft. You are the best reason for switching over to a Mac.

Alrigh-T, on with the show.

The fine folks over at Juxtapoz have put up a trillion pictures of the Picks of the Harvest: Batch Three. So many good artists. Google every single one and view more of their work. Such is the power of the internet.

Banter brings us another fine discovery with Blogmusik. It’s still in beta and has quite a few bugs, but good design, good idea, and good intentions carry it.

Oh yes, Industreal does it right.

A Better Tomorrow might be mostly in German, but damn if they don’t have some cool things going on. The language barrier didn’t even slow me down. Be sure to check out the Naketano section. Tight clothes that I might have to wear even though they’re for girls. If you like them Naketano has a site.

For anyone who doesn’t already know about it Vivianite is the best place to find out about artists of varying fame. Do yourself a favor and reserve a day to spend browsing there.

Ever wonder what it would be like if people started to populate their own imaginary universe with creatures of their own creation? Well, that universe is Mojizu. And it’s a great place to raise your kids.

Honda has made a commercial that pretty much floored me. Way to go, team. And yes, that is Garrison Keillor singing. Way to go, fishface.

My feet are soaking wet and freezing. I’ll cook dinner for the first person that brings me a fresh pair of socks. You might even get laid.

I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s the internet, but there doesn’t seem to be anything particularly interesting floating around today. Maybe everyone was too busy doing their 9/11 retrospectives instead of actually helping people anywhere in the world.

Too bitter?

I am completely hooked on The West Wing and I would like to shake hands with Aaron Sorkin for doing great things. I look forward to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, even if the title is a little wordy for an NBC show.

NBC is probably the right network though, not as secretly wholesome as ABC and FOX would never allow any satire of themselves outside of a cartoon for fear someone might take it seriously. No one watches CBS anymore. CBS is the old black.

I went camping over the weekend and enjoyed the peace and majesty of the natural world complete with finding a tick on my ass and a newt in my tent. It was actually great until what could only have been a mathematical gross of teenagers decended on the camp next to mine in the pitch black, loaded with booze and shitty pop music, and then proceeded to blast both drink and tunes until several could be heard blasting their dinner in the bushes. At 4:30 the world went silent and I unloaded my recently loaded shotgun just in time. At 7:30 Brittany Spears was introduced into what I can only assume by now was a very advanced social psychology experiment, and a fat cheerleader started yelling for everyone to get up with as much sugar in her voice as anyone who is falsely cheerful to cover the fact that they despise everyone for silently judging their fatness even though it’s actually just a paranoid fantasy.

Too bitter?

I hiked off into the mountains for a few hours (only about 5 miles in) and communed with nature without further interruption. Overall it was actually great to get away by myself and just be alone in my head. Not to mention that the mountains are beautiful. That too.

Once I got back I spent the rest of my weekend cuddling and watching The West Wing, because my life is very much like that of a retired international playboy. Without the smoking jacket.

Christmas is not very far away for anyone who wants to buy me a smoking jacket.

Yours,
Hef