Secret Still

Two freakin’ kids. Turns out I didn’t have to worry about parents being suspicious of my homemade treats, because practically no one came to the house. We had two kids and their mom take cookies, and they only came by because they had to pass us on the way home. What the fuck, parents?! You’re too good to leave the main road? I saw hundreds of you walking down the primary street in the neighborhood. I live half a block from that street, my porch lights was on, I had a pumpkin practically on fire in my yard and still no one shows. What more can I do? Should I have a couple of car dealership spot lights waving around with giant pumpkin and witch gels on them? Rejected on Halloween is one of the worst rejections of all. There’s always that one house you don’t go to because no one really knows the old man that lives there and most of the kids think he is a serial killer, but you fucking people made my entire street into that house. I swear to God next year I’m just gonna throw bags of flaming shit at you as you walk by. Knowing how shoddily those costumes are made they’ll probably go up in flames if I even think about fire. All your gonna have left is a river child and chocolate slowly rolling down the sidewalk, half a plastic pumkin floating on top. My cookies were delicious, you pricks. Next year I’m giving out pennies.

Today’s links are all science and not art. I don’t know why. Sometimes you get the Hershey’s kiss with the hair on it. They can’t all be winners.

There was apparently a Wall Street Journal article about this, and the site was down earlier. It’s back up now, but who knows. In case you wanted to know just how scary your lifestyle is Harvard has created the Disease Risk site. They’ll ask you questions and then tell you what you’re going to die from. Tonight. While you sleep. Be sure to kiss your kids goodbye when you tuck them in.

For anyone who loves a good book but just can’t find one that suits; the month of November would like to say write your own damn bookif you’re so smart. Welcome back to NaNoWriMo.

If you love something let it grow. Movember technically has nothing to do with science.

Don’t think this means we’re going to quit making pianos. I suppose next you’ll be wanting rampage insurance. Get back in the ring or you’re an umbrella holder.

That’s all I’m giving you for now. Oh wait, Bob Barker is leaving the Price Is Right. Probably a good move since he’s been dead for well over 5 years now. People are going to stop spaying and neutering their pets, you can bet on it.