Secret Still

It’s the Day of the Dead and not one person has tried to sell my a sugar skull. Our culture has never really done holidays as well as everyone else. The good thing about the Day of the Dead in America is that you can get invited to a lot of parties if you speak Spanish and live anywhere near a Mexican restaurant. I’m gonna throw up Sangria tonight. Hopefully on an anthill.

In honor of crazy foreigners and their crazy holidays that I automatically denote as crazy because they’re not my holidays we’re going to bring you a few links that fall into the What The Fuck category. I come across them everyday, but weed them out since most of you aren’t required by law to wear helmets to protect you from yourself.

First in our list of wacky things foreign comes from Australia. Now any country that continues to surf when almost every month someone gets attacked by a shark is a country that I can stand behind. Very far behind, because I don’t want to lose a limb. But of all the dumb things the aussie’s have provided us with (Paul Hogan, Fosters, hippies playing goddamn digeridoos) the newest is by far the dumbest. I give you The Wonderjock.

Next is something you will have to see to believe. Arabian cultures have been providing many bored housewives with a new, awkward hobby that most of their families are weirded out by. I’m talking here about belly-dancing. Not since we walked in on them in the shower have we been so embarassed to see our mothers’ stomachs. But now there is a new instructional video that mom can watch in the living room to further distance herself from her family. These glutes were made for walking.

This one is more of an amazing What The Fuck than it is a creepy or revolting one. It seems that the Swedish design group Front have moved their offices to Japan for a few weeks in order to step up their creative process. What have they been doing, you might not be wondering? Well, they have been drawing on thin air to create real objects. I think the video can probably explain better than I can. Besides I have to go try and draw a near perfect life-sized replica of Farah Fawcett.

The last link is not very crazy at all. In fact it’s pretty much just the opposite. It’s so simple sometimes that you wonder if it wasn’t designed by really bored eukaryotic bacteria. But I played it for quite a while without blinking and that counts for something even if I am slightly retarded in my left eye. So, enjoy paintball.

Lunch is over. Class is upcoming. Pooptime is now. The internet brings us all closer together.

Two freakin’ kids. Turns out I didn’t have to worry about parents being suspicious of my homemade treats, because practically no one came to the house. We had two kids and their mom take cookies, and they only came by because they had to pass us on the way home. What the fuck, parents?! You’re too good to leave the main road? I saw hundreds of you walking down the primary street in the neighborhood. I live half a block from that street, my porch lights was on, I had a pumpkin practically on fire in my yard and still no one shows. What more can I do? Should I have a couple of car dealership spot lights waving around with giant pumpkin and witch gels on them? Rejected on Halloween is one of the worst rejections of all. There’s always that one house you don’t go to because no one really knows the old man that lives there and most of the kids think he is a serial killer, but you fucking people made my entire street into that house. I swear to God next year I’m just gonna throw bags of flaming shit at you as you walk by. Knowing how shoddily those costumes are made they’ll probably go up in flames if I even think about fire. All your gonna have left is a river child and chocolate slowly rolling down the sidewalk, half a plastic pumkin floating on top. My cookies were delicious, you pricks. Next year I’m giving out pennies.

Today’s links are all science and not art. I don’t know why. Sometimes you get the Hershey’s kiss with the hair on it. They can’t all be winners.

There was apparently a Wall Street Journal article about this, and the site was down earlier. It’s back up now, but who knows. In case you wanted to know just how scary your lifestyle is Harvard has created the Disease Risk site. They’ll ask you questions and then tell you what you’re going to die from. Tonight. While you sleep. Be sure to kiss your kids goodbye when you tuck them in.

For anyone who loves a good book but just can’t find one that suits; the month of November would like to say write your own damn bookif you’re so smart. Welcome back to NaNoWriMo.

If you love something let it grow. Movember technically has nothing to do with science.

Don’t think this means we’re going to quit making pianos. I suppose next you’ll be wanting rampage insurance. Get back in the ring or you’re an umbrella holder.

That’s all I’m giving you for now. Oh wait, Bob Barker is leaving the Price Is Right. Probably a good move since he’s been dead for well over 5 years now. People are going to stop spaying and neutering their pets, you can bet on it.