Secret Still

My official vacation for the year starts tomorrow, so you will have to do without me for a while. Don’t sweat. I’ll be back before you know it, and the three of you will have more to stare at than the cold, boring bars of your cells. Just keep your head down and do your time while I’m out snorting blow from the various stripper crevices. I’ll send you a postcard with a picture of me and Lindsay Lohan doing the Lindy Hop on America’s grave. This vacation is mostly just a trip back home to see the progenitors and the shiftless layabouts that I hold as friends. You can’t go home again? That’s true, not after the fire I started before I left. I doubt there’s much left to go home to. Back to a triple digit pollen count, air like soup, and a pre-New Deal attitude towards race and sexual preference. Back to the land where Jesus is King with his wife Dairy Queen. Does Manifest Destiny work in reverse?

I’d say that one of the things that I’m most proud of in my life is my brain. It never ceases to amaze me with all the things it can do, the lessons it’s learned, and the ways it allows me to experience the world. It’s nice to know that I have most if not all of the 10 Habits of Highly Effective Brains. Now I need the 10 habits of highly effective lovers and the 10 habits of highly effective skateboarders and I’m set.

There won’t be any posts tomorrow because I’ll be too busy cooking my ass off. This year my contribution to the family feast includes:

• Roasted Duck Breast in Coffee-Molasses sauce with Bourbon Applesauce
• Cranberry-Walnut Wild Rice Stuffing
• Sweet Potato Cornbread

You are so jealous.

If you’ve seen the movie American Gangster (yeah, not bad) then you know who Frank Lucas is. If you haven’t seen it then you are probably better off because you can read the article about Frank in New York Magazine that was the impetus behind the movie without any bias. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it if you’ve seen the movie. Just read the damn article, all of you. Now.

The Return of Superfly

For the sake of interactivity the comments have been turned back on. If I start getting a lot of spam I’ll turn on moderation. Otherwise, say whatever the fuck you want. I don’t give two shits. Actually I have to give one right now. TMI, internets? Expect more of that as our awkward relationship continues to grow into an abusive marriage.

**update**: I just realized that some of my code had totally blown out my divs. Don’t you hate when that happens? It should be fixed now, but if you notice anything anomalous leave me a note in the comments. Motherfuckers are coming in handy already.

Ahhhhhhh. It’s nice to slip my shoes off and kick up in the old homestead. Most days (meaning months) I don’t have the energy left to try and piece things together for myself after writing for Juxtapoz. Today I’m trying to start doing more things that I think I should, even if I don’t want to. Like a New Year’s resolution only I’m not drunk in a bathroom vowing that this year such and such is gonna be different while crying into a toilet. Toilet tears are no longer the lubrication for the cogs of my life. Always nice to have that kind of breakthrough. So, let’s ease back into this slowly. I don’t want to go too fast for you, make you do anything you’re not ready for. I’ll just link you up to some interesting shit in a single post rather than just jump into the multi-post format of yore. Oh, that’s right…yore. I am a gentleman and a scholar.

I couldn’t find the original video to embed so instead I’ll link you to where I saw it. John Stewart on the nature of our Meta-President.

Boing Boing drops the future shit on us. Wait till they find a porn application for this then the funding will pour in.

Inhabitat talks about SpudWare. If you eat potatoes with cutlery made from potatoes will your mind be utterly blown? My answer: yes.

Get this book.

I’m not making any promises but if I get enough free time this weekend I might try and implement some new features. Of course, it may be just like last Christmas when you really wanted that new bike and I gave you a nice book of carpet samples instead. Your mother and I never wanted you.

No picture for this one, but no picture needed. Even the title pretty much explains it. I will never go without these items again. It’s like a MacGuyver survival guide from Martha Stewart.

101 Extraordinary Uses For Ordinary Things

Photographer and Salty Sea Dog Corey Arnold has a killer blog post up on Fecal Face detailing the do’s and dont’s of becoming a fisherman in Alaska and how his life is pretty much amazing. And on top of that his photos beat the pants off of anything you’ve ever seen before. That’s right, those things are now pantsless.

Fecal Face
Corey Arnold
And you can see Corey sometimes on Discovery Channel’s Deadliest Catch

Kurt Vonnegut died today. I’m not posting anything else because one of the last people on planet Earth that I look up to is gone.

“When Hemmingway died he put a period on his life, old age is more like a semicolon.”
-Kurt Vonnegut