Secret Still

Probably one of the only artistic mediums that I don’t really cover here is textile. Not only am I not even close to an authority on creating or wearing textiles, but there are about a million other sites that cover that topic better than I ever could. I wear the same pair of pants for days at a time, assuming they don’t get too dirty. I am not the person to talk about fashion. I can barely sew a button back on. I have no understanding of textiles. BUT. Sometimes there are things so amazing in their magnitude that, regardless of my lack of experience, I still have to mention them here. It’s my duty as a netizen (remember that term from back when everyone used Prodigy and Compuserve?) to inform you of things that are completely incredible. Like a cape and scarf made entirely of spider silk.

Yeah. Just give that a second to sink in.

This project took over a million spiders and 4 years to complete.

Take a second. Ok.

And the color of the textile is actually just the color of the silk.

Now. Feel free to jump up and exclaim and just kinda hold your head in your hands because you can’t believe how fucking ridiculously beautiful that is. Oh mankind, you poetic monster, you give my brain every reason to keep holding on.

Spider Cape

And now I give you pictures of people with catfish. You’re welcome.

Catfish

So weird. So awesome.

Kimiaki Yaegashi

Completely unrelated to the usual Secret Still fodder, and possibly the best idea I have ever come up with while taking a middle of the night, half asleep piss, is today’s only post: The Chatroulette Drinking Game. It’s easy to play, fun for the whole family, if your family likes random dongs, and it’ll get ya drunk.

Let’s start by clarifying some basic points:

• The game is played with both beer and shots, where “a drink” refers to a big ol’ mouthful of beer, and “a shot” refers to a shot of whatever liquor you have laying around.
• A roll is deemed as actual, visual contact with another person (or possibly cat/monster), not a blank screen, a covered cam, or an empty room.
• Try not to force your friends to look at wangs for longer than necessary, unless that’s just how you roll, you sadistic bastard.
• It’s probably better not to waste time actually interacting with people during game play. That’s only going to slow down the drunkmaking.

Now the rules:

• Every player gets 10 rolls (not necessarily ten clicks of “next”, see above).
• Random guys are neutral and count for nothing
• Random boners mean you (the roller) take a drink, but no one else has to.
• Random girls mean everyone else has to take a drink, but you don’t
• Random naughty girl parts mean everyone, even you, takes a shot.
• Random cats/monsters mean everyone else, not you, takes a shot.

Note that these rules aren’t based on any merit system derived from favoring girl parts over boy parts, but rather from the average rarity of each item in the Chatroulette community. Chances are good that you could go an entire round (everyone has their 10 rolls) without taking a single drink, but chances are equally good that you could all be shitfaced before the third person can remember where the F9 key is.

Good luck out there, and I’m sorry you’re going to have to see so much unadulterated dudecrotch, but at least the alcohol will numb the pain.

http://www.chatroulette.com/

I know absolutely nothing about this comic, except that it’s fantastic and weird and blew my mind down my spine and out my behind. The Japanese just keep being better than everyone else at things. Head nod to Matt for showing me the comic in the first place. You’re a giant poose*, Matt, but you keep me entertained.

*moose pussy

Abstraction

No one has asked, because no one emails me, but no I don’t have a twitter, and, fingers crossed, I never will. However, my toilet does have a twitter, even though I told it how that would really strain our relationship. Follow it if you like poop.

The_Toilet

I love The Flaming Lips, always have and always will. My fandom is so devout that no matter how many times the release date was pushed back on their feature film Christmas on Mars, I always believed them. I never doubted their word. After each successive letdown I refused to give up hope. Tuesday, after seven years of shooting and re-shooting, the film has finally been released. Just in time for me to fold it into my ritual of watching A Christmas Story and A Charlie Brown Christmas once the December holidays have started. I’m not gonna tell you anything about the plot. The title pretty much says it all, and if you know The Flaming Lips, then it makes sense. If you don’t know The Flaming Lips then you should believe me when I say that your life is incomplete. Buying Christmas on Mars might be a good place to start getting your shit together.

Christmas on Mars

Have you ever wondered what The Bible would look like if it was illustrated with Legos? Sure, who hasn’t, right? Dreams do come true.

The Brick Testament

Canadian Drug Victim Sues Dealer

There are just a couple of reasons that I can think of off the top of my head not to do this:

1) YOU HAVE TO TURN YOURSELF IN FOR DRUGS! I guess if she OD’d then the hospital police got her anyway, but still, damn.

2) Drug dealers are not notoriously law abiding or moral people. What’s to stop your dealer from taking you to “court” with a couple of small calibers to the back of the head out by the airport? Or just beating the hell out of you and stealing the money back?

3) It violates the sacred law of omerta that is intertwined with all illicit cultures. You take it out personally. You don’t bring Ol’ Johnny Law into it, and especially not the whiny ass civil courts for fuck’s sake. I say again: FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

This just further cements my dislike of Canadians.

While I was eating vegetarian brunch yesterday with the Girl’s family, across the bay a tiger from the SF zoo was having a brunch of its own. Apparently it jumped a moat and a serious wall to escape and then, like any tiger, starting tearing people apart. One man was killed and two other were severely maimed. The tiger was shot dead by police. I honestly just feel sorry for everyone involved in this, including the tiger.

Escaped Tiger Kills Visitor